Be Your Own Best Friend

Tell the children that you are going to read them some messages and ask them to be thinking how they would feel if they received such a note from their best friend.

Dear Tim,
  I know tomorrow is the big day--the tournament game for your soccer team! You seem a little anxious about playing well, and to tell you the truth, I don't blame you. I've seen all your games and I can think of several times you've made really stupid plays or missed a shot at an easy goal. Of course, I know you've helped your team win some games, too, but if you lose I hope you won't be a bad sport and lose your temper like you usually do. Well, good luck! (You will probably need it.)
Your best friend, Brent

Dear Marci,
  I was sad to see you depressed today. I heard you got another "C" in Math, even though you have been studying extra hard. But you can't help it if you're not as smart as your sister, Michelle. I can't understand why she's so good at everything she does when you have such a struggle. She sure is wonderful! I hope I can be just like her when I get older. You might as well give up trying for straight A's an just cheer up and enjoy life.
Your best friend, Teresa

Allow the children to express their reactions and feelings. Point out that we would not really send such a message to a friend, yet we often send such messages to ourselves. How often to we tell ourselves such things as: I can't do that, I'm no good at sports/math/reading/anything, everyone else has more friends than me, I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm too skinny, I'm too short, I'll never be as good or talented or pretty as ____________, I might as well give up trying.

Remind the children that the scriptures teach us that:

• "Ye are gods. . . . children of the most High." - Psalms 82:6
• "We are the offspring of God." - Acts 17:29
• "Man (is) more precious than fine gold." - Isaiah 13:12
• "If you bring one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy." - Doctrine & Covenants 18:15 (Doesn't that include our own soul especially?)
• "For there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the spirit of God. To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby." - Doctrine & Covenants 46:11-12

Heavenly Father created us to be the way we are and that's the way He loves us. Jesus has commanded us to love our neighbors as ourselves. One way we can show reverence (love and respect) for ourselves is by believing in ourselves and our worth as children of God and sending ourselves positive messages. He wants us to learn to know ourselves, not compare ourselves to others. If we are in the habit of sending ourselves negative messages this may take some practice. We need to change the way we think, for (as a man) thinketh in his heart, so is he." (Proverbs 23:7)

Activity:

To help the children start thinking positively, briefly brainstorm with them positive statements that the children in the first two notes might tell themselves. Then divide the children into groups and give each group a card with one of the following situations (or similar ones you think up). Ask them to take three minutes and write as many positive responses as they can think of, as if they were that child talking or thinking to themselves. Let a spokesman for each group share their ideas.

1. Karalee's parents have encourages her to develop a talent. She would like to take drawing lessons because it's something she's interested in, but she's afraid she won't be good at it.

2. Jeff feels like he doesn't have very many friends. Even when the other boys invite him to join in their activities, he turns them down because he is so shy.

3. Brittany has been asked to give a talk in Primary. She doesn't want to do it because the last time she did she had the whole thing memorized but forgot everything the moment she stood up at the microphone. She was so embarrassed she started crying.

4. Brandon is always trying to get out of doing his chores. He knows how to do them well but thinks work takes up too much time. He wishes his bedroom wasn't always a mess but he's decided he must just be sloppy.

Challenge the children to "be your own best friend" (BYOBF) by thinking positively about themselves. Pass out badges or cards that they can look at during the week to remind them to think of themselves with reverence and love. (You may want to wear a BYOBF badge throughout the lesson to heighten curiosity.)

Object Lesson:

1. (Before Primary, invite someone artistic to bring an object they have created to share--a watercolor, clay sculpture, etc. Plant a teacher, member of the presidency or older child in the audience to respond negatively.)

Tell the children that you have invited a special guest to Primary. This guest is artistically talented and has come to share one of their creations. Invite the guest to talk briefly about their talent and their creation, emphasizing the time and care they put into it. Have the "planted" person raise their hand and make negative comments such as: "I don't think much of that kind of art; Anybody could do that; That doesn't look like it would take much talent." Feigning embarrassment, thank the guest for coming and excuse them. The "plant" should also leave so the children feel free to discuss what happened.

Discuss with the children how the guest must have felt when their creation was criticized. Remind the children that they are special creations of their Heavenly Father. How does He feel when we criticize ourselves, put ourselves down, and compare ourselves to others?

2. Cover a mirror with a piece of dark construction paper of the same size with random shapes cut out of it so that the children will only see parts of their faces. Place the mirror in a shallow box and pass it around so that each child can look at themselves.

Ask: What did you see? Did you see yourself as you really are?

Remind the children that when we came to earth we forgot everything about the preexistence, including some things about ourselves. Point out that one of the challenges in our earth life is to come to see ourselves as Heavenly Father sees us. We may have gifts or talents or characteristics which need to be rediscovered.

Discuss ways we can come to know ourselves as we really are. (Fasting specifically for this purpose, praying to know our talents and mission on earth, keeping a journal). These ideas could be further developed in future sharing times.

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"If we love God, do His will, and fear His judgment more than men's, we will have self esteem."

-President Ezra Taft Benson (Ensign, May 1989)